Roommates
by Venus Smurf
Summary: Malachite's new roommate was the Energizer Bunny in a past life, and he's pretty sure she's insane, too. MinaXMal.
1. Meet the Roommate

A.N.: I've given up—I can't keep working on the sequel when this story is bugging me so much. I'm going to start editing it, hopefully making it less wordy. I've promised too many people that I'd keep the story intact—no matter how much I want to cut out certain stupid ideas—but the chapters might be a little shorter by the time I'm done. Lemme know what you think.

And I know there's a lot of Jed-snarking…but I love Jed, and I couldn't help it. Zoicite is still Mal's best friend and all that—though there's _nothing _romantic going on—but I'll probably involve Jed more than any of the other generals. Same with Raye and the senshi. Jed/Raye pairings are my second favorites, you see.

As always, check out my bio page for story updating info!

Edited November 2007

* * *

CHAPTER ONE: Meet the Roommate

* * *

The sun was shining, the birds were singing, and as the trunk of his borrowed car slammed down on his fingers, Malachite was cursing. He bit off his words after only a moment, shifting the box to his other arm until he could take some of the pressure from his aching digits. _That's the last time I borrow Jed's car_, he silently groused. _You'd think he could afford something better...and you'd think his ego would insist he get it. How can he really see himself as a lady's man when he drives this piece of junk? _

Mal grimaced and dropped the box onto the ground, flexed his feelings to get the feeling back, then sighed. This wasn't the start he'd wanted, though he supposed he really couldn't complain. He knew how lucky he was to be moving into this building at all, because while he made more than enough money to support himself, the rent on a place like this was almost ludicrous. He couldn't have afforded it, wouldn't have paid so much even if he could.

He wondered if there was something horribly wrong with this girl, that she was willing to pay most of the rent herself and still allow a complete stranger to live with her. She obviously didn't need help financially, and what other reason could there be for two people to live together?

He turned his silver eyes towards his new home, glancing over the bright red carpet and canopied front door, over the uniformed doorman. _Then again, _he mused, _I'm hardly going to pass up this chance, am I? It'll be a bit like living in a hotel, I expect, and unless she's completely insane, I think I can put up with her, whatever she's like. _

Still, he couldn't help being curious about the girl. He'd never actually met her—she'd been out of town the day he'd toured the apartment, and he'd been too busy with his company to come at any other time. He didn't know what she did for a living, didn't know if she'd be messy or clean, loud or quiet. _Not that it really matters. I don't plan on spending a lot of time with her, anyway. As long as she doesn't try to kill me in my sleep, we'll get along fine._

_Hmm…sounds a lot like Jed's main criteria for a girlfriend, actually…_

Malachite sighed again, bent to regain his box, and then started towards the front door. The doorman greeted him with a smile that was just this side of flirtatious, and then pulled the door aside. Malachite could have sworn the man also winked at him as he passed by, though he hadn't really been looking and so couldn't be sure.

Nor, on second thought, did he care. Between the ordeal of moving and Jed's constant teasing about Mal's _female _roommate—and everything that implied in Jed's admittedly perverted mind—Malachite was tired. He just wanted to finish unpacking and go to bed early. Who cared if another man was hitting on him, right?

Right.

He'd take the time to twitch properly later.

* * *

Malachite's typically stoic expression lightened just a little as he slid the last book into place on his shelves. It'd taken him a lot longer than he'd expected to finish unpacking, but at least now he wouldn't have to worry about it tomorrow. He was the type of man who couldn't sleep unless everything around him was ordered, and even tired as he was, unpacking all at once had seemed like the smart choice. 

He gave a slight grunt of satisfaction and then turned and headed for the living room. He'd spent most of his time in his bedroom, and he hadn't done more than glance through the rest of the apartment. This seemed as good a time as any to become more familiar with it. He moved quietly into the living room, pausing for a moment to look around. The place was certainly lovely, though the color scheme seemed a little feminine to him. Unlike the darker colors of his bedroom, the entire room was carefully decorated in crèmes and gold and crystal. The whole place smacked of a professional decorator—everything in it perfect and perfectly expensive. There was even an honest-to-goodness fireplace at one end of the room, though it didn't look like it'd been used in years.

In fact, on a second glance, _nothing_ about this apartment seemed used. The furniture was in such pristine condition that it might all have been just more decoration, and try as he might, he couldn't find a single picture or personal item. True, he hadn't exactly gone into the girl's bedroom, and perhaps she simply kept everything of hers in there, but this still seemed odd. Even _he_ had pictures, and he was the last person anybody would expect to have friends. Was she really so horrible that she didn't?

A key turned in the front door, and Malachite immediately spun and tried to look nonchalant as the door swung open and a slight young woman stepped quietly over the threshold.

So this was his new roommate. She was younger than he'd expected, probably in her early twenties and thus at least half a decade younger than himself. _She's too young to have this much money, _he absently decided. _Her family must be wealthy. I wonder if they know about me? I somehow doubt they'll be happy that their daughter is cohabiting with a strange male._

Not that it really made a difference, but she was prettier than he'd expected, too. She was dressed simply, in a pair of jeans and a rather tight t-shirt, but her clothing certainly showed off her slender figure. Her eyes were large, her features even and delicate. She was short, probably only as tall as his collarbone, and had_ really _long hair. Even with it partially pulled away from her face, the blonde strands still cascaded almost down to her knees. _I've finally found a girl with hair longer than mine. _

She stepped through the door, and only then did he notice the white cat at her feet. The cat was following so closely at her heels that he half-expected her to trip over it, but she managed to slip, unharmed, into the room. She looked up at him, then, not seeming at all surprised to find a strange man in the room. She only smiled warmly, lips twisting in a mega-watt grin that lit her features and made her even more beautiful. "Hello," she said in a slightly accented but equally lovely voice. "You must be Malachite. I'm Mina."

She took a step forward and held out a hand, but Malachite wasn't given a chance to take it. The cat had started hissing the instant she moved, and when Mina glanced curiously down, it shocked them both by attacking her. It launched itself at her, claws raking the pale skin of her right ankle, drawing several red lines in the otherwise flawless skin. The girl yelped, more surprised than hurt, and shook her leg to dislodge the animal. "Artemis!" she yelled, clearly irritated, as the cat came free and landed, hissing furiously, a foot or so away. "What's come over you?"

The cat was still hissing at Malachite, the fur on its back rising, blue eyes narrowed to slits. Mina cast an apologetic look his way, then bent to pick up the animal. "Hey!" she shouted when it tried to bite her again, but the cat seemed impervious to her glares. It only slid out of her reach, turning suddenly and sprinting towards what Mal vaguely remembered was the kitchen.

Mina followed, cursing slightly herself, only to return empty-handed a moment later. "He jumped out the kitchen window," she explained softly, blue eyes carrying an equal mixture of worry and irritation. "He's just out on the fire escape, but I wasn't about to climb out there to get him." She shrugged, yet another apology in her voice. "Sorry about that," she said. "Stupid cat's usually very calm. I don't know what made him behave like that."

Malachite only shrugged. As long as the cat didn't attack _him_, what did he care?

The girl was watching him, blue eyes roving almost appraisingly over his face, and then she visibly shook herself and offered her hand once more. He took it, if a little reluctantly, and she favored him with another one of those megawatt smiles. "Anyway," she said, "welcome to the household. I'm sorry that I wasn't around to let you in or help you unpack, but I kinda forgot you were coming so early. Did you manage all right?" She paused only long enough for him to nod. "I'm assuming the agent showed you the rest of the apartment and worked out the rent and everything, but do you have any questions for me?"

He simply shook his head, amazed that she'd said so much on a single breath. Was she on crack, or did she always speak so quickly? The girl was practically bubbling over with energy, and he found it…annoying.

_Very _annoying.

She was still talking, too. "I should probably warn you," she chattered on, "that I have some friends that are…well, _insane _might be the best word for them, and for all our sakes, I'll have to insist that you not leave anything alcoholic, sharp, or breakable where they can get at it. They don't make pretty drunks, and they tend to get violent even when they're sober." She grinned suddenly, blue eyes twinkling with something that looked an awful lot like mischief. "They'll also want to meet you," she confessed. "I've never had a male roommate before, and they've been teasing me non-stop ever since you signed the lease. Just ignore anything they say or any hints they drop, and we should be fine." She caught his expression, shrugged without losing her smile. "Just want you to be prepared," she told him, now laughing softly. "I love them like sisters, but they're all crazy. It wouldn't be nice of me to sic them on you without some kind of warning."

She paused, clearly giving him a chance to say something, but for the first time in years, Malachite was completely speechless. _Great. My new roommate was the Energizer Bunny in her last life, and her apparently psychotic friends are planning an inquisition. I _knew_ there'd be catch to this apartment! _

She didn't seem to care about his silence, didn't even seem to have noticed it. "I'll also admit that I'm a complete slob, but we do have a maid, so it shouldn't be a problem for you. I'll cover her salary and everything, but you'll need to pay her if you want her to do your laundry." She stopped, expression briefly becoming thoughtful, and then shrugged. "I can't think of anything else," she admitted. "Are you sure you don't have any questions for me?"

_We have a maid, too? Even with the psychotic friends, this is definitely too good to be true. _He started to shake his head, then thought better of it. "May I ask why you wanted a roommate in the first place? If you can afford a maid, you obviously don't need help with the rent."

She shook her head. "No, I don't. I've been modeling and acting since I was a kid," she answered matter-of-factly. "Money hasn't been an issue for years." Mina sighed, something wistful abruptly entering her expression. "Honestly, I'm just sick of living alone. I have been for years, and I don't usually mind, but every once in a while, it'd be nice to have another person around, you know? Even if you're basically a stranger, and even if we don't ever really see each other, I like knowing that I'm not the only one living here."

_Well, that explains that, though it's hardly the answer I would have expected. _He stared at her, considering._ So, she's a model. She certainly has the looks for it, though she doesn't seem like some spoiled fashion princess. Then again, I just met her. What do I know? _

He still hadn't said anything, but her smile never faltered. "Well, anyway, I'm glad you're here." She turned, heading back towards the kitchen. "I'm going to see if I can get Artemis off the fire escape," she called over her shoulder. "I'll see you later, okay?"

He frowned as she sauntered from the room, considering. Then, with a dismissive shrug, he, too, turned and left the room.


	2. Bars and Brawls

A.N.: Well, this chapter ended up being a lot longer than the previous one (and most chapters will not be this long). I cut out that stupid song fic crap, but I added a dream sequence and expanded the morning scene in the beginning. Hopefully this will enable me to cut out the wordy I'm-giving-you-their-backgrounds-even-though-I-probably-won't-bring-any-of-it-up-ever-again stuff later. Oh, and I know that Larry is a bit over the top, but…eh, he bugs Mal more this way, and that made it fun.

Edited November 2007

* * *

CHAPTER TWO: Bars and Brawls: Part One

* * *

_He was frowning again, his normally blank face darkened and furrowed with irritation. He'd long since stopped trying to hide his displeasure, had instead chosen to cower in an out-of-the-way alcove, one with shadows thick enough to hide his expression. It was a little more difficult to guard the prince from here, of course, but at least he could see the entire ballroom from this vantage point. And anyway, the other generals were dancing clos__e enough to Endymion to catch the more immediate threats. The prince was safe. _

_He sighed, hating the fact that he was hiding at all. He was one of the most powerful men on Earth, but even so, he was stuck here, holed up in a corner like some sulking page boy. Still, it was better than the alternative, which was to stand right next to the prince, his irritation visible to anyone who cared to look. Too many of these touchy Lunarian nobles objected to this alliance, and they'd only use his displeasure as greater fuel for their own. If the prince's own general didn't want this, after all, how could anyone else?_

_He supposed the situation could be much worse. The prince had fought tooth and nail against this marriage, had argued and pleaded to get out of it…and then shocked them all by falling for that silver-haired moon child the moment he'd laid eyes on her. He'd started following at Serenity's heels like some besotted lapdog, enough adoration in those dark eyes to make everyone else feel slightly nauseated whenever the couple passed by. Malachite knew he should be grateful that at least the prince seemed happy, but he was also tired of watching his liege make such a fool of himself. Endy was a prince of the blood, heir to an entire planet, and that tiny slip of a girl had him wrapped completely around her pale finger. It was…degrading, to all of them._

_And Endymion was too much in love to care._

_Mal sighed and slumped a little further against the wall, mouth continuing to twist unpleasantly as Endymion and Serenity twirled around the dance floor. They were still staring deeply into each other's eyes, completely oblivious to everyone else in the room. _

"_Disgusting, isn't it?"_

_Malachite started, turning silver eyes to the young woman now beside him. _How did she sneak up on me like that? She should never have gotten so close…

_The woman was watching him, the corner of her full lips quirking upwards at his expression. She looked like she knew exactly what he was thinking, but she only jerked her head back towards their dancing charges. "They're so lovey-dovey that even Serenity's own mother can't stand to be around them anymore," she said, lyrical voice lightened with amusement. She gave a trilling little laugh, tossing her long blonde hair over one shoulder. "Personally, I'm convinced prolonged exposure to all that sweetness will give me diabetes."_

_He had gotten over his surprise__ by then, and he only lifted one elegant, silver brow in response. "Indeed," he murmured, his own voice completely inflectionless. He regarded her for a moment longer, his face unreadable, and then turned and began to walk away. "Good evening to you, Lady Venus."_

_He never noticed the way she stared after him, a predatory glint in her blue eyes. "And to you, General Malachite."_

* * *

_Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep…_

It was the beeping that woke him, the incessant warbling of an alarm clock someone had forgotten to turn off. It dragged him back from the realm of sleep, chased any memory of the dream from his mind. He opened groggy silver eyes, ran a slender hand through equally silver hair.

Mina's alarm. _Again._

Malachite pushed himself to a sitting position on his bed, cursing loudly all the while. He was doing that a lot lately, but then this wasn't the first time Mina had set her alarm for the crack of dawn and then didn't stick around to turn it off. She'd left two days ago on another photo shoot, and who knew when she'd return?

And the stupid thing would keep beeping until she came home and turned it off. Maybe she wouldn't notice if her alarm clock conveniently disappeared while she was gone…?

He sighed and gave one of those jaw-cracking yawns that hurt afterwards, then slid from his bed. He began gathering his shower things, only half seriously considering a trip to Mina's room to destroy her alarm clock. Only the fact that he'd have to actually go _in_ her room stayed him—the girl wasn't exactly a clean person, even with the maid, and for all he knew, something in her bedroom might try to eat him the moment he crossed the threshold.

He grimaced as he slipped into the shower, wondering if he would still have chosen to move here if he'd known what Mina was like. True, the apartment was every bit as wonderful as he'd first found it to be, but _she_ was…well, put simply, she was driving him nuts.

She was loud.

She was messy.

She sang off-key in the shower and had absolutely no respect for his privacy.

She ate his food, used his shampoo, and never felt the slightest bit of remorse for either.

And, possibly worse than all the rest, she _never shut up. _

_Ever._

Sometimes he thought he hated her, though he'd decided that he hadn't known her long enough to feel so strongly about her. He'd only been living here for a few weeks, and she'd been gone for most of that time. She was either off on those photo shoots, wreaking havoc with the friends he miraculously hadn't met yet, or looking for that demon cat. She wasn't home more than a few hours a week, so how could he really hate her?

He stepped under the water, the warmth soothing some of the exhaustion from his body. The water flowed over the top of his head and into his eyes; it stopped his ears and muffled his hearing, but even so, he didn't miss the sound of the front door slamming against the wall.

_Oh, gods, she's back. I'm not up to her this morning. _

He finished his shower as quickly as he could, wanting to get out of the apartment before she could get around to pestering him. He'd learned that spending too much time around Mina almost always led to some sort of disaster, and he wasn't about to stick around for it to happen. He slipped from the shower and into his bedroom, tossing on the first set of clothes he came across. Then, after running a comb through his long hair, he stepped out into the hallway.

And ran straight into the blonde whirlwind he'd been trying to avoid.

Mina must have been sprinting down the hallway to her own bedroom, but she didn't see him in time, and she ran straight into him. She collided against his chest, hitting him with almost enough force to knock the breath from him, and then bounced off and landed with a_ thud_ on the floor.

He was too surprised himself even to help her up, simply stared down at her with one silver brow cocked in question. He took in her startled blue eyes, the inelegant sprawl she'd landed in. She was gazing just as stupidly back at him, but then she grinned sheepishly. "Sorry," she muttered. "I'm in a hurry."

He wanted so badly to roll his eyes, but he didn't. "You're always in a hurry." He sighed, finally offered her a hand. "Where are you going this time?" _Not that I really care, but maybe focusing on her will keep _her_ from focusing on _me.

Something shuttered in her eyes, but she only shrugged, pulling her hand from his the moment she'd gotten her balance back. "Just out," she answered quietly, looking down at her feet rather than at her roommate. "I thought I might look for Artemis for a little while, and then I'm meeting the girls." She paused, then shrugged again. "I only stopped in to clean up, really. I had to travel all night just to get home, and even if I didn't do anything but sit there, travel always makes me feel dirty."

_Ah, Artemis. Of course. I should have known. _Mina had been using nearly every bit of what little free time she had to look for her cat, but he hadn't been seen since the day Malachite had come. The animal had vanished from the fire escape sometime during their conversation that day, and no amount of searching on Mina's part could locate him. He knew she was worried about him, though he didn't understand why she'd taken this so hard. Even if she never found Artemis, he was just a cat, right? She shouldn't be reacting like she'd lost her best friend, but she was.

She was so weird.

Still, weird or not, that something in her eyes had also deadened her voice, and he found himself looking a little more carefully at her. She was a trifle pale even for her, and her eyes weren't quite as bright as usual, but she also didn't look as though she'd been up all night, either. He didn't understand how she could work so hard, travel all night, and then still look like she could go on for another day without any sleep. _Must be the Energizer Bunny coming out in her. _

Mina was looking at him again, and perhaps she'd guessed that she wasn't coming across as her typically cheerful and oblivious self, because she suddenly smiled a little too brightly. Her features tightened and shifted, and whatever had been in her eyes was gone so quickly that he wondered if he'd imagined it. All he could see now was the ever-cheerful Mina he'd come to expect.

He blinked at her for a second, then gave a mental shake. _I was definitely imagining it, _he decided. _Mina doesn't have enough self-discipline to control her expression like that, and even if she does, why would she bother to hide anything from me? It's not like I'm going to get on her case for being tired or for missing her stupid cat._

She was still grinning up at him, but as he continued to stare down at her, his own expression unreadable, her smile became a little sheepish. "Actually," she muttered, "I was wondering if I could borrow some of your shampoo? I seem to have run out again, and I don't really want to take the time to go for more. I figured you wouldn't mind too much."

_That_ won a reaction from him, if only a mild one. He glared at her, not bothering to hide the irritation in his gaze. _There she goes again. Is nothing sacred to her? _"You're going to steal some anyway, aren't you?"

She shrugged, just as unrepentant as always. "Pretty much. At least I asked this time, ne? Aren't you glad that I'm improving?"

She had so much exaggerated innocence in her voice, her smile was brighter than it had ever been, and Malachite was more annoyed than usual. He _did_ roll his eyes, now, wondering if it was too late to get out of that lease. "I swear," he muttered, "you're about as intelligent as a chair."

She just grinned, blithely unconcerned with his insult. "Which one?"

He stared at her, looking at her as if she'd just sprouted a third eye. "What?"

She_ winked_ at him. "Which chair? If you're going to insult my intelligence, it'd be nice to know which one you're comparing me to. Some of them are smarter than the others, you know." She leaned a little closer, though she was so short that "closer" was a relative term, and her smile was pure mischief. "Am I as smart as the chair in the corner? Or am I only as smart as one of the chairs at the kitchen table? There's a big difference there, and I'd really love to know."

He glared at her.

She smiled obliviously back.

He glared a little harder.

Her smile didn't change.

He gave up.

"So," she persisted a second later, "can I borrow your shampoo?"

* * *

Malachite waited only until Mina was occupied with her petty thievery, and then headed out of the apartment. He took the elevator to the ground floor, hoping against hope that Larry-the-doorman wouldn't be working today. _I can't take Mina _and_ Larry today. Every man has his limits, and those two have an uncanny ability to push me past mine._

Malachite had never particularly thought of himself as a homophobe, but Larry was becoming almost more of a nuisance than Mina. The man had been hitting on Mal since the day he'd moved in, and it was becoming steadily harder to ignore the attempts at flirtation. Larry was always winking or making not-quite-suggestive comments, always trying to strike up conversations and then practically giggling after every word Malachite spoke…he'd done everything short of actually asking Mal out, and it was getting old. _Fast_.

Fortunately for Malachite, Larry must not have been working that day. Thanking any gods that might be looking out for him, Mal quickly left the building. He headed in the general direction of his office, thinking that maybe he could use the earlier-than-usual start to catch up on his paperwork. If he put it off much longer, the others would start accusing him of channeling Jed, and who wanted that?

_Speaking of which…_

Mal pulled his cell from his pocket, flipped it open and began dialing a number from memory. After two or three rings, a tired voice came through the line. "Hello, Malachite."

Malachite blinked, startled. _Now who's channeling whom? I thought only Nephrite could know who was calling before anybody actually said anything. _"How'd you know it was me, Zoi?"

Zoicite's sigh was clear even over the phone. "You're the only person who ever calls me at this insane hour," he replied tiredly. "What time is it—seven, eight? The others know not to bug me until at least after eleven."

Malachite rolled his eyes. "That's only because they've usually stayed out all night with you and are still in bed themselves," he muttered. "I don't know why I bother with you three."

Zoi gave what would have been a laugh if he hadn't been so obviously exhausted and hung over. "Yeah, yeah," he began, but whatever he'd planned to say was cut off by a loud yawn. He groaned slightly when his jaw popped, but shook it off quickly enough. "And before you ask," he muttered instead, "Jed did come through with the tickets. Everything is set for tonight."

Mal nodded, though of course Zoicite couldn't see. This was, after all, the reason he'd called…waking Zoi up had only been a bonus. "Good," he said. "I'm not repeating last year's experience—standing outside begging people to sell us their tickets to some stupid opera was not my idea of fun."

"You're preaching to the choir, pal. Blame Jed for that one, anyway. He's the baka who forgot to buy the tickets, not me." Zoicite yawned again. "Are you going to the office today?"

Malachite snorted. "Don't I always?" He shook his head, sighing. True, the software company the four of them had started a few years back pretty much ran itself now, but that didn't mean they could completely forget about it. _Someone _had to make sure everything was going smoothly…and that someone tended to be him. The others were usually content to pick up their checks every month and leave it at that. "Go back to sleep, Zoi."

"I plan to," the other man retorted, the exhaustion in his voice taking the sting from the words. "Just to remind you, though—we have _people _now, Mal. You don't have to work unless you want to. And why would you want to?"

Malachite hung up on him.

* * *

The opera turned out to be even more horrible than Mal had expected. The costumes were gaudy, the sets eyesores, and the singing so high-pitched that Malachite wouldn't have understood a word even if it hadn't been in French. And, to top it all off, the people around them seemed to think there was something weird about four men attending an opera together. Mal and his friends spent a few uncomfortable hours being stared at, and if this hadn't been their birthday present to Nephrite, the three of them would never have been able to stay in their seats until the end.

Nephrite, of course, loved every minute of it, though all three of them were convinced he enjoyed watching them squirm even more than he enjoyed the opera itself.

Mal couldn't help breathing a sigh of relief as the nightmare finally ended and they could leave, though he knew the night was far from over. Nephrite, opera-buff that he was, had also spent entirely too much time with Jed and Zoicite; his birthday wouldn't be complete until they'd hit a few bars, been horribly rejected by a few women, and then gotten drunk enough that they wouldn't remember any of it the next day.

And, accordingly, off to the bars they went.

* * *

Malachite hadn't been any more eager for the bar-hopping than he'd been for the opera, but even he couldn't fault the choice Neph had made this time. His dark-haired friend usually went for clubs that were either ultra-trendy or ultra-questionable—never anything in between—but this one was comfortably middle-ground. Mal still didn't expect to enjoy himself overmuch, but for the first time in years, he didn't think he'd be assaulted by some knife-wielding drunkard, either.

Jed was, quite predictably, a little more enthusiastic than his silver-haired friend. The moment the four of them crossed through the doors, his lips twisted in a broad, slightly goofy grin. "You were right about this place, birthday boy!" he hollered over the music. "I haven't seen such beautiful women in a long time!" He pumped his fist in the air, ignoring the glares he was earning from said women. "Not since yesterday, anyway!"

More, infinitely scarier, glares…

Mal shook his head. _Jed's not getting any tonight, not after that._

The foursome threaded their way to the bar, ordered their drinks, and began taking bets on how long it'd be before Jed either got himself kicked out or knocked around by some angry woman.

Some time later, Zoicite glanced down at the ice water in Mal's hands. "Come on, Mal," he chastised, clapping his friend on the back. "I know you take the designated driver thing very seriously, but we took a cab to get here, and we'll take one to leave. You can get drunk like the rest of us, for once." He snorted. "And if that girl is everything you've said she is, you deserve it for putting up with her this long."

Mal winced as Jed immediately picked up on the "girl" comment, just as he'd known his friend would. "What girl?" the blond man demanded suddenly. "Since when does Mal get a girl and I don't?" His eyes narrowed. "Wait…are you talking about that Mina girl? The one you live with and for whatever reason won't let us meet?"

Malachite groaned quietly. "Yes, and if I'm keeping you from meeting her, it's only because I value your sanity…or what little you have of it." He snorted. "Five minutes with Mina, and you'll want to throw yourself off the nearest bridge."

Neph had been paying more attention to the pretty brunette sitting a few feet away than to Malachite, but now he turned to look at his friend, lifted an eyebrow in question. "She can't be that bad."

Mal only sighed. "She's what Jed will be like after he finally gets that sex-change operation he's always wanted."

They all winced, ignoring Jed's protests that he'd never wanted to be a girl, then continuing to ignore him as he loudly informed everyone around them that he had horrible, abusive friends.

Mal glared down into the contents of his—nonalcoholic, naturally—drink. "She's loud, she's a slob, she's nosy, she never stops talking, and I'm seriously considering strangling her the next time I see her."

He hadn't been able to keep the irritation from his voice—even when Mina wasn't around, she seemed to bring it out of him. Still, he didn't understand the looks the other three were giving him. "What?"

Even Zoi, who'd had to hear about Mina many times before now, was blinking at him. "Wow," he whistled softly. "I hadn't realized she was affecting you that much, man." He paused, a mischievous smirk suddenly on his face. "She must really be something. Nothing ever bothers you."

Jedeite looked just as incredulous, and he seemed to have forgotten that his sexuality had just been questioned. "What does she look like?"

Malachite groaned a little more loudly this time. _Trust Jed to focus on that, _he thought, annoyed. "She's blonde and short," he muttered in reply, hoping Jed would leave it at that.

He didn't, of course. "Pretty?"

"I guess."

"How old?"

"Early twenties, maybe? I don't know. Who cares?"

Even Nephrite had gotten in on the conversation by this time, the brunette forgotten. "What does she do for a living? I've seen those apartments of yours, man, and they're not cheap. Is her family loaded or something, and if they are, why would she even need a roommate?"

Mal shrugged. "She doesn't like to live alone, apparently, but I don't know about her family. I don't talk to her that much. I know she's studying…something at some college, but I've never asked about it. She's a model, though, so maybe that's it."

Nephrite held up a hand. "Let me get this straight. You get to live in an incredible apartment for practically nothing, and you live with a model. Who did you have to kill to get this?"

Mal grimaced. "Trust me—it's not nearly as wonderful as it sounds." He caught the expression on Jed's face, and his grimace deepened. "It doesn't matter how beautiful she is, Jed, when she drives me so crazy. If I were around her more often, I'd hate her."

Jed's expression sharpened. "But you don't hate her now?" He laughed, though the laughter was a little…off, with all the alcohol he'd already drunk. "My friend, if you don't hate her, that must mean you like her."

"Like who?"

All four of them jumped, but Mal most of all…and not simply because he'd been startled. He knew that voice, and his stomach was suddenly clenching into knots. _Is she stalking me or something? And how much did she overhear? _"Hello, Mina," he muttered, wondering if it was too late to get that drink as he slowly turned to face her. "What are you doing he—"

His voice trailed off as he turned and actually looked at her, and he suddenly had to force himself to breathe. _By the gods, she's stunning. _

In all the weeks since he'd moved in, Mal had never seen Mina in anything but comfortable, if often tight, clothing. He'd never seen her with her hair done or with any makeup on, and she'd been lovely even then. Now, though…

She'd come dressed for a night on the town, that much was obvious. She'd donned a form-fitting black dress that hugged her curves without being too revealing, and for once her hair wasn't pulled up in that signature bow. It fell in loose waves around her face instead, somehow making her features seem…more mature, more sensuous. Making her seem more like a woman than some annoying coed. The light dusting of makeup only added to the impression, and he found himself thinking he'd never seen anyone so beautiful.

And_ that_ snapped Malachite back to himself faster than anything else could have. _I already knew she was beautiful, _he harshly chided himself. _That's not a reason to make a fool of myself over her. She's going to start thinking I'm attracted to her, and who knows what she'll do then? _

Mina was still staring at him, utter confusion written over her lovely features. "Like who?" she repeated, but Malachite only shook his head.

"Doesn't matter," he told her, his voice coming out a little harsher than he'd intended.

She didn't seem to notice, though, only turned with unconcealed curiosity towards his friends. "Aren't you going to introduce us, Mal?" she asked, jerking her head in their direction. When he didn't say anything, she simply shrugged and made the introductions herself. "I'm Mina," she told them, shaking each hand in turn, "Malachite's roommate. And you are?"

They gave their names, Zoicite adding that they worked with Mal.

Mina nodded. "You own a software company, right?"

Malachite blinked. _When did I tell her about the company? When have I told her anything about my personal life, come to that?_

He glanced towards Mina, found her already watching him, a slight smile curving her lips. "I asked around, Mal," she confessed, laughing. "You can't expect me to live with some strange man without trying to find out at least a little about him, can you?"

He just stared at her…as he so often did. _She's full of surprises, isn't she? _

As always, she seemed to know when he wasn't going to reply. She turned to the bartender, her smile widening as she greeted him by name. "Long time, no see, Mac," she grinned. "You still with that girl?"

The man responded with a wide grin of his own. "I'm in for the long haul," he admitted, "or at least for as long as she'll have me."

"I'll have to meet her sometime, then." Her eyes were twinkling. "You'll invite me to the wedding, right?"

Mac rolled his eyes, though he hadn't stopped smiling. "You know it," he laughed. "What can I get you?"

Mina shrugged again. "The usual. Amara and Michelle are here, too, so I'll need whatever they usually get."

He nodded, obviously knowing who she was talking about. "Just water for you?"

Her turn to nod. "It's hard enough to keep my head on straight when I'm sober, Mac. You don't want to see what I'm like when I'm drunk." She winked at him and accepted an unopened bottle of water.

Mac took her thanks with another nod. "I'll have someone bring everything else in a minute," he told her. "You'll be at the usual table?"

She smiled again. "Sure. Thanks, Mac." She glanced again at Malachite and his friends. "Nice meeting you." She turned, disappearing back into the throng of dancers just as abruptly as she'd arrived, leaving a very unbalanced Malachite in her wake.

They were all silent for a second, and then Jed snorted. "So…_that_ was Mina?"

Malachite didn't meet his eyes, not wanting to see the glee in his friend's gaze. _Here we go, _he thought. _This was precisely why I never let them meet her before. _

* * *

He didn't see Mina again for quite some time. For all he knew, she might have left the club, though he couldn't help looking up every time any blondes walked by. Living with Mina had instilled a healthy paranoia in him, and he didn't like knowing she was around and out of sight. He remained in his seat at the bar, not daring to let his guard down even for a second.

_Speak of the devil_, he thought rather sourly as he finally spotted an all-too familiar blonde moving through the throng of dancers. She wasn't headed in his direction, but she must have felt his eyes on her somehow, because she suddenly turned and flashed him one of her trademark smiles.

_Ugh. How can someone so insane be so attractive?_

Mina had paused on the dance floor as she greeted him, but before he could respond in any way, she suddenly seemed to tense. Her smile died, her body stiffening, and as a man came out of nowhere and grabbed her arm, Mal understood why she had.

He was a tall man, his thin body encased almost entirely in leather, his slightly greasy hair pulled into a tight ponytail. He was pressing himself a little too closely to Mina, the expression on his face far from innocent, and Malachite tensed. Instinct had him automatically pushing himself to his feet and heading in Mina's direction, because no matter how little he liked his roommate, he liked the way the man was looking at her—_touching_ her—even less.

Mina reacted first. The man had leaned in and whispered something in her ear, and while the disgust on her face was clear enough, she didn't simply jerk away, as any other girl would have. Instead, startling even Malachite with the swiftness of her movements, she buried her elbow in his stomach.

Greasy Hair doubled over, gasping and clearly furious, but he dropped Mina's arm. She smirked at him and stepped back, moving until she was no longer in his immediate reach. Then, with what was very likely a snarked reply, she began to walk away.

The man had let Mina go, but he wasn't finished. He was still gasping, forcing himself to stand _almost_ straight, his face contorted with anger and pain as he reached into his jacket. He pulled his hand free an instant later, and something cold slithered up Malachite's spine as he realized just what it was the man held.

_He has a gun. Of course he has a gun. And I'll never reach Mina in time._

The thoughts were oddly calm, but that something along his spine only intensified as the man turned and abruptly lunged for Mina's arm. He latched onto it with bruising force, jerking her back towards his body and holding her tightly against him. She seemed about to repeat the elbow move, but she mercifully stiffened when the man pointed the gun at her temple.

Malachite froze, though part of him was wondering how she'd even known what the gun was. Maybe she'd just assumed that anything pointed at her head had to be a bad thing?

Only those directly around Mina had noticed what was happening, but those few were already screaming and backing away, and it wasn't long before everyone else had figured it out, as well. Within seconds, a space had cleared around the two of them, and the man was dragging Mina back towards the bar.

Malachite was still frozen, but as Greasy Hair pulled her past, Mal shifted so their eyes could meet…and he froze all over again. _She's…calm,_he realized, shocked anew. _She has a gun pointed at her head, and she's not scared. Why isn't she scared? Hell, _I'm_ scared!_

She and Greasy Hair had reached the bar by then, and while the man immediately pulled the gun away from Mina and pointed it at Mac instead, the situation didn't exactly improve. The movement must have been some sort of signal, because three other men pushed their way through the crowds to Greasy's side, each sporting identical firearms. Several of them grabbed hostages of their own, though most of them were content to wave their guns in random faces. Out of the corner of his eyes, Mal could see a few others taking up position at the exits.

Mal counted nine, with a possible tenth standing off to one side. He couldn't tell if that last man was actually armed or just acting a little shifty, but he wasn't going to take any chances by discounting him, either.

Greasy, Mina still in hand, had started in on Mac. "I want everything you have," he told the bigger man, voice a little louder than it needed to be. He glanced around the room, grinning as he took in the terrified faces. "The rest of you can line up against the wall. One of my friends will be along shortly for…donations." His grin widened. "For your own sakes, be generous."

He motioned again at his goons, and they began herding everyone else off the dance floor. He also put the gun back at Mina's temple.

Mal must have made some kind of sound or movement, because Greasy Hair suddenly turned and stared right at him. "No heroes," he said, voice hard and cold. "Move again, and I'll kill her."

Malachite's choices were limited, but he wasn't about to leave Mina in this psychopath's hands. Still, what could he do that wouldn't get them both killed? He remained frozen in place for a fraction of a second, and then he made the mistake of looking to Mina.

She was smiling. Surrounded by armed crazy man, held by another one, and with a gun pointed at her head, _she was smiling. _

The smile was both faint and very wry, almost embarrassed, but it was there.

_She's crazy. There's no other explanation._

Greasy hadn't seen Mina's smile, but when he gestured at Malachite a second time, the silver-haired man backed obediently away. He moved to join the others, his eyes never leaving Mina's.

_What the _hell_ is going on?_


	3. Bars and Brawls: Part 2

A.N.: Ugh. I hate writing battle scenes. Don't bother flaming me—I already know that I suck at it.

Also, I realize that I'm using a horrible mixture of the Japanese and English versions of the names. This is just the way I think of the characters, so this is the way I write them. I know it's annoying, but I won't be changing that.

Edited November 2007

* * *

CHAPTER THREE: Bars and Brawls: Part 2

* * *

_Malachite's choices were limited, but he wasn't about to leave Mina in this psychopath's hands. Still, what could he do that wouldn't get them both killed? He remained frozen in place for a fraction of a second, and then he made the mistake of looking to Mina. _

_She was smiling. Surrounded by armed crazy man, held by another one, and with a gun pointed at her head, _she was smiling.

Mina was _not_ having a good day. She'd gone nearly forty-eight hours without sleep and then spent several more hours searching for Artemis on top of that, and she just wasn't in the mood to deal with these idiots and their guns.

_Can't I have just one night of peace? Just one? _

She wasn't scared, of course; she'd spent the past decade fighting monsters with fangs and monsters with claws and monsters with tentacles—and sometimes monsters with all three and more—and she was simply past the point where monsters of the two-legged kind could bother her. Even with his gun pointed at her temple, Mina was hardly afraid of her captor.

Then again, just because she wasn't terrified didn't mean she wasn't angry, and it certainly didn't mean that she wouldn't beat the crap out of him as soon as she got half a chance. The pervert deserved it, if only for the things he'd whispered in her ear when he'd first grabbed her.

The gun was still firmly in place at her temple, but Mina still risked a quick glance around. She swept her eyes across the room, assessing, weighing, counting. _Nine_, she determined. _Only nine. That shouldn't be too hard. _

And it shouldn't have been. They were senshi, after all, though Mina couldn't help losing just a little of her confidence as an all-too-familiar man suddenly took a step forward.

_Malachite._

Mina began to curse silently. She'd forgotten about him, she realized, annoyed with herself for her carelessness. _It'd be one thing to beat up the bad guy when only a fraction of the people here know me, but it's another when my own roommate is watching. _

_Just can't catch a break, can I? Oh, well…I can always say I studied Kung Fu to stay in shape for work. Black Belt Mina--talking cat and friends sold separately._

_It'd be more believable than most of my excuses, anyway. _

Mina blinked, very aware of the increased pressure against the side of her head. "No heroes," Pervert Man was telling her roommate, his voice cold and threatening. "Move again, and I'll kill her."

_You can try, Perv. Oh, you can try. _

Mina gave another mental sigh, cringing inwardly as she realized that Malachite was looking at her again. She could see how terrified he was for her—and, she didn't fail to notice, _not _for himself—but she didn't like his expression. Was he going to do something noble and stupid and get himself killed? He didn't exactly seem like the knight-in-shining-armor type, but it wasn't like she knew him all that well. They only lived together, after all.

She had to reassure him somehow, stave off the stupid heroics. Or would showing him that she wasn't afraid make things worse? A human girl would be terrified in her place, she knew. How would he react when he realized that she wasn't?

She smiled at him anyway. It was a natural instinct on her part, this attempt to ease his fears for her, though of course it wasn't more than just the barest curving of her lips. Still, the smile, faint as it was, also held embarrassment. _I can't believe I was caught like that. Raye will never let me hear the end of it, and if she does, Haruka won't._

She knew immediately that she shouldn't have smiled at all. One quick glance at Mal's face told her how stunned he was by her lack of terror, and she wondered how much of a mess she'd just created for herself. _It had to be Malachite, didn't it? _

Fortunately for her, Malachite was soon being herded against the wall with everyone else, and she didn't have to meet his eyes any longer. She dismissed him—she had to dismiss him—and turned to find the other senshi in the crowd.

Haruka and Michelle were standing together, Michelle with a restraining hand on the taller girl's arm. They were watching her, waiting for orders, and Mina almost rolled her eyes at the anticipation in Haruka's. _Maybe I should just let_ her_ take care of them_, she thought idly_. She won't hold back just because they're only human, and at least I'd be entertained. _

Not_quite_ amused, she glanced past the tall blonde to the slightly shorter one safely ensconced behind Lita's back, Raye on her right side, Amy on her left. _Good. Whatever happens, Serena will be safe. _

One of the goons returned with a pillowcase full of stolen jewelry and wallets, and although he kept his fingers locked around her wrist, the Pervert's attention was momentarily diverted. Mina watched him from the corner of her eyes, but she also allowed her gaze to wander very briefly towards each of the senshi. Her blue eyes held a message, and her attention lingered just long enough to catch their nods of agreement.

Pervert must have liked what he'd found in the pillowcase, though, because he gave a barking laugh so sudden that even Mina automatically glanced his way. _Moron,_she thought. _He hasn't even tried to cover his face, and unless he plans to kill us all, there are far too many witnesses in this room. He'll never keep what he's stolen. Doesn't he know that? _

Judging by the pleased laugh, he obviously didn't.

Mina hadn't made a sound, but perhaps the man had sensed that she'd turned her head, because his grip suddenly tightened on her arm. She blinked, startled by the strength of it, but even that didn't bother her quite so much as what she found when their eyes met. Something glinted in his that gave her pause, made her look a little more closely at him. _Something isn't right with this man_, she slowly realized_. He's human enough—I'd know if he wasn't—but…I don't know. Maybe he's just crazy._

_No,_ she decided an instant later,_ not insane. _She'd seen insanity before. This wasn't it. And what about his strength? It wasn't quite….normal, either. His hold on her arm was painful, and no human should have been able to hurt her.

Her only excuse, later, would be that she'd been distracted by the strangeness in his eyes, that she'd been so caught up in what she'd seen that she hadn't thought to jerk away in time. She was genuinely surprised when he suddenly pulled her towards him, crushing her body against his, and then, horror of horrors, crushing her _lips_ against his.

_Grossgrossgrossgrossgross…_

He tasted…bad, like moldy cheese mixed with morning breath. If he hadn't been holding her too closely, she probably would have gagged. As it was, she knew she'd never get the taste out of her mouth. _He's going to hurt for this! _

The kiss, mercifully, didn't last for more than a moment. He spent a few seconds trying to push his tongue past her lips, but she'd clamped them shut with every bit of the superhuman strength she possessed, and he soon grew bored with simply pressing his mouth against hers. He pulled back, his expression dark as she fought the urge to wipe her mouth and cleanse herself of his touch. She didn't try to hide her disgust, however, and his glare quickly deepened to something a lot like hate. "Maybe I'll take you with me when we go," he hissed at her, his voice low so that only she would hear. "Just you and me and my gun. You'll wish you'd been nicer to me, then, won't you?"

She almost rolled her eyes. _Please. If I were human, I'd kill myself before I let you take me anywhere. And since I'm not human, I'll kill _you_ first! _

Another of the goons approached, and he dared his master's anger long enough to hold out his own pillowcase of stolen goods. The Pervert glanced down, his grip on Mina still bruising in its intensity.

Mina looked away herself, angling her head just enough that she could meet Haruka's eyes, gave a brief, sharp nod of her own.

_Time to take these bastards down. _

* * *

Mal's heart had leaped into his throat as Greasy Hair had dragged Mina to him, knowing the man wouldn't be content to stop with just a kiss. Mal would risk getting himself shot before he allowed anything more be done to her, but what could he really do? Nothing, or at least nothing that wouldn't risk Mina.

He'd do something anyway.

Mal turned, subtly and instinctively, to look for the others. Jed was only a few steps away, and while Mal knew he'd been hopelessly drunk only a few moments before, the younger man's face was completely alert now. He caught Mal's gaze, the seriousness in his eyes all the silver-haired man needed.

He couldn't see Zoi or Nephrite, but knowing them as well as he did, he felt safe assuming they were also waiting for a chance to strike back.

Once again, Mina acted first.

Malachite turned his eyes back towards Mina just in time to watch the kiss end. Greasy Hair was glaring hard at the blonde, Mina glaring right back, disgust evident in every line of her face. The man whispered something to her—something that only made the disgust increase—and then turned aside to examine his latest henchman's takings.

Mina made her move while he was distracted, her eyes immediately searching out someone in the crowd, her head jerking in a decisive nod. Mal guessed that it was a signal, of sorts, though it must have been just as much a signal for Mina, because in the time it took for Mal's heart to stop beating, she suddenly threw herself against her captor.

Time neither sped up nor slowed down, though it stopped moving normally in the instant Greasy stumbled under the blonde's unexpected weight. She must have been counting on the stumble, though, because she used the momentary distraction to twist out of his grasp. She pulled away, but only far enough to give herself room to move. Her foot came up, lashed out, caught Greasy in the stomach. She'd acted so swiftly that he never had a chance to block her, and he doubled over for the second time in one night, face twisted in pain.

The second man started as his leader went down, dropping his bag and lifting his weapon. Mal froze, watching with horrified eyes, waiting for the gunshot that never came…for Mina was on the move again, striking out before Greasy had done more than gasp out a curse. The second man became the recipient of another kick, this one lightening quick and noticeably lower than Greasy's.

Gunman Number Two didn't even get to swear; he simply crumbled, becoming a rather boneless heap on the ground. He'd somehow held onto his weapon, however, and Mina waited only until he'd finished falling before she deliberately stepped on his hand. Mal was grateful that he was too far away to hear what must have been the crunch of breaking bones, but he could only continue staring as she kicked the gun out of reach.

Greasy was almost back on his feet by then, and from the look on his face, he would cheerfully have put a bullet through Mina's pretty hide while her back was turned. Mal opened his mouth, intending to call out a warning, but the girl didn't seem to need that, either. She spun once more, this time slamming an elbow into the back of Greasy Hair's neck. He, too, dropped his firearm, his eyes rolling back into his head as he slumped over onto the floor.

The whole thing had taken less than a minute.

Mina bent and took the first man's gun, tucking it under her arm for safekeeping. He noticed that she hadn't put the safety on, but then he didn't know if she knew how, or even that she should.

The blonde straightened, looked up and just happened to meet Malachite's eyes.

Mal started breathing again, but only with difficulty. He no longer expected Mina to be afraid, but he'd thought she'd have at least a little nervousness or anger in her expression, and she didn't. Her features were completely devoid of emotion, though her eyes were hard. She gazed at him for an instant, and then turned those eyes to the crowd, searching once more.

_That _brought him back to himself, reminded him that Mina hadn't been the only one threatened…and there simply wasn't any way the other goons had failed to notice their leader's fall. He forced himself to glance over his shoulder, expecting to see half a dozen firearms pointed at Mina, found instead what was, somehow, slightly more unnerving.

The gunmen were no longer an issue.

Mina's friends must have been as quick to attack as Mina herself, because it had taken just as little time for them to bring down the other men as it had for his roommate. On one side of the crowd, a beautiful and vaguely familiar woman was kneeling beside an unconscious man, pulling his gun from his hand and carefully searching his clothes for other weaponry. Beside her lay another man, his face pressed into the club's floor by the foot of a tall, blonde youth.

The youth was worth a second glance, if only because he, too, looked strangely familiar. The man couldn't have been much older than Mina himself, but the smile curving his lips was smugly cocky. He was looking in what Mal suspected was Mina's direction, and after a second or two, the smile widened into what could only be a grin of triumph.

Maniacal triumph. _Creepy_ maniacal triumph.

Malachite tore his eyes away, wondering if those two had been the ones Mina had signaled for help—if that had even been a signal, and why would Mina have been signaling anyone?—and, if so, if this was one of the psychotic friends Mina had warned him about the first day they'd met. The man, at least, certainly _looked_ psychotic…

Mal made a mental note to avoid the blonde man in the future. And his girlfriend. And possibly Mina, if he could. They were all crazy.

He looked further into the crowd, eyes lingering on a dark-haired girl in a red dress. She, too, was bent over a fallen gunman, her fingers prodding through his clothes, presumably also in search of other weapons. She was touching him as little as she could, her fingers moving gingerly through his jacket. Beside her, a very tall brunette was doing the same to yet another man, her cheeks and eyes flushed with adrenaline. She was also grinning, though since her smile seemed more appreciation for the fight than anything else, it wasn't nearly as creepy as the blonde man's had been.

Beside them both were two more girls, tiny and impossibly slender, the final man at their feet. Both girls were grinning sheepishly, looking extremely uncomfortable as those around them cheered whatever they'd done to knock out a grown man easily twice their size, but they didn't seem any more shaken than Mina had been.

_Even two against one, they don't look nearly strong enough to have fought back. The man, yes, and the tall girl, maybe—and that dark-haired one looks absolutely vicious right now—but these two? _

_Mina warned me about her friends, but apparently, she didn't tell me the half of it. _

He almost shook his head, wondering why he always seemed surrounded by the crazies, and turned back to Mina.

He found himself looking down the barrel of a gun instead.

* * *

Once Mina had ascertained that none of her senshi were hurt—of course they hadn't been hurt—and that the threat to the other dancers had been removed, she'd bent once more over the men she'd attacked. They were still unconscious, and as hard as she'd hit them, they probably would be for quite some time. _They deserved it, the idiots. _

She shrugged, standing and taking one last glance around the room. Several of the dancers were staring back at her, eyes wide with both awe and the adrenaline rush that came with fear, and she sighed._Better avoid this place for awhile, _she decided rather tiredly. _At least until something else happens and they have better things to gossip about. _

She tucked the gun a little more firmly under her arm, turned and began making her way to Serena. She glanced once at Malachite as she passed, but her roommate was too busy watching the other senshi to notice that she'd even moved. _Poor man. He was all ready to play the hero, and instead he has to watch as a bunch of girls take on his opponents. That can't be good for his manly pride. _

_At least he didn't get the chance to do anything stupid._

She'd taken only a few steps before she caught movement out of the corner of her eye, and she quickly glanced back over her shoulder, eyes instinctively going to the place where she'd left her former captor.

He was gone.

_Note to self: Next time, make sure the man is actually unconscious before walking away…_

_Damn it._

He was on his feet, moving as quickly and steadily as though she'd never hit him, and after only a few steps, he bent and retrieved the second man's gun…the one she'd completely forgotten about.

_I really should have picked up that gun instead of just kicking it away. Second note to self: Stop kicking guns. It's just a stupid idea all around. _

Mina's own eyes narrowed, though she wasn't at all surprised when he lifted the gun and leveled it at the spot between Malachite's eyes. Mal _was_ standing right in the line of fire, after all. _That settles it—all men are idiots._

Still, the man's aim was too even, too swiftly taken, and Mina thought again of that glint of not-quite-insanity in his eyes.

Not the time to dwell on that. Not the time to think at all, really, or to weigh her options.

Not that she had any.

Mina didn't have time to think, or to plan. She was acting purely on instinct as she shifted the gun under her arm to her hand, as she took aim and pulled the trigger before the man could.

The bullet exploded outwards, slamming into the man and knocking him back, just a little. Blood blossomed from the wound, the bullet passing through his body and sending the blood splattering out into the space behind him.

She hadn't missed. She never missed.

She already wished she could have missed.

The gunman looked down at his chest, surprise evident in his dark face, and then he looked at Mina. Whatever had been in his eyes earlier was gone, drained away with his blood and his life, and he was able to stay on his feet for only a second before he fell again. This time, he didn't move.

Nobody said anything. Nobody moved, or breathed. The silence was intense enough to be painful.

Mina continued staring at the fallen man long after he'd died, her face pale, her expression unreadable. She, too, said nothing, though she eventually pried the gun from her own fingers, flicked on the safety and moved it back under her arm. She glanced up at Malachite, her eyes hard and almost cynical, his confused. "Take the gun from him," she finally said, jerking her head towards the dead man, her voice low but still commanding.

He did. It never even occurred to him to do anything else.

Her eyes flickered once around the room, pausing briefly on her senshi and then on Malachite and his friends. "Where's Mac?"

The big man had been shoved into the very back of the crowd, but now he stepped forward, his face pale and his eyes wide.

"You might want to call the police now," Mina told him.

* * *

**Joke of the Day: **(If y'all have any jokes or funny stories, I'd love to hear 'em. I think I'm going to start adding them onto my chapters, just for laughs.) 

Those who live by the sword…get shot by those who don't.

It is said that if all the cars in the world were lined up, some idiot would still try to pass them.


	4. Jet Li vs Jackie Chan

**A.N.:**Yes, I've finally updated. My apologies for taking so long. I just had some major writer's block, and it's taken me months to get over it. I couldn't seem to write an ending that didn't absolutely suck, and while I'm still not happy with this one, I don't think I care anymore.

Um, not that I'm trying to pimp my own stories, but I've been working on an original piece (under Venus Smurf1, NOT Venus Smurf) on fictionpress. Check it out if y'all get the time, because while it's fluff, it's much better than this one anyway.

* * *

Chapter Four: Jackie vs. Jet Li

* * *

_She was watching him again. Those blue eyes were locked on him, on his face, on his body, and had been for several days. She'd been staring at him since the night of their almost-conversation on the balcony, and it was starting to unnerve him. He kept his face turned away, pretended not to notice, but it was impossible to really ignore a gaze that intense._

_And it was equally impossible to ignore the identity of the woman to whom the gaze belonged. _

_Why was she staring at him? Malachite wasn't naïve enough to think it was out of something as simple as attraction. The woman was the heir to Venus, after all—even if she weren't this beautiful, she had wealth and power few could match, and she could have any man she wanted. Why would she choose someone so completely different from herself? And no matter how infamous the Venusians were for their lack of self-control—even assuming she _did_ want him, which he wasn't—he didn't think she'd risk so much over a man she'd barely even knew. _

_For risk it would be. She was royalty; he was a glorified soldier from an enemy world. There could be no formal alliance between them—no marriage—and anything less would be an insult to her position. Even if they could overlook their ranks, what if the relationship ended badly? She was the High Queen's niece, as well as the future ruler of Venus, and the repercussions could be disastrous. _

Now _there's_ something to remember, _he thought as he kept his face resolutely turned away from those searching blue eyes. The woman was Selenity's niece, which meant she was also a spy for the moon. And even if she hadn't been so closely tied to the Silver Queen, the woman was still a Venusian, which made her a spy anyway. All Venusians were. Even on Earth, they'd known that, and the princess would be even worse than the rest of her kind. _

_He couldn't trust her. _

_He didn't._

_He wished she'd stop staring._

* * *

Malachite grimaced as he abruptly jerked awake, brushing sleep from his eyes and only then realizing that he'd slept in his clothes. True, he'd been out most of the night—the cops hadn't let any of them go until nearly dawn, and he'd been dead on his feet by the time he'd returned to his apartment—but he still should have changed. He might have slept better if he had. 

Then again, he somehow doubted that his _clothing_ had been the only thing disturbing his sleep. While he could never remember more than snatches of his dreams come morning, those dreams always left him unsettled, even irritated…

Maybe one day he'd know why that was.

He remembered part of _this_ dream, at least. Only part, but it was more than he usually had. Mina had been in it, and while he would have thought that explained the irritation, he'd been more…disquieted by her presence than annoyed. Perhaps he simply didn't like the idea of having her haunt his sleep as she did his waking hours—he really would go insane if he had to deal with her so often—and perhaps it was more that the Mina tormenting his sleeping self hadn't been Mina at all.

He hadn't spent much time around Mina in the weeks since he'd moved in with her, but he already knew she was an uncomplicated girl, easy to understand. His roommate was innocent, a little flighty and obnoxious, perhaps, but still innocent. The Mina of the dream, though...

_That_ Mina hadn't ever been innocent. Far from it—the Mina of his dreams had been watchful, even calculating, and certainly far too intense. She'd been…disturbing, if only because she'd been so different from his careless, ditzy roommate.

And she'd been even more disturbing because she _wasn't_ as different as she should have been. More than once, last night, he'd caught a glimpse of the same calculation in his roommate that he'd seen in the dream girl. It didn't matter that the glimpses had been so fleeting, not when she'd become so different so quickly, not when the innocence had dropped from the real Mina's features like a mask removed.

It still never occurred to him to wonder if the innocence was only an act. After all, what reason would Mina have to pretend to be something she wasn't? The change in her might have been nothing more than the shock of all that had happened, or at least a sign that his Mina was a little more mature than he'd believed. And of course the Mina in his dreams was nothing more than that—a _dream,_ the product of an overactive mind. None of it meant anything.

Right?

Malachite sighed, rubbed at tired eyes with an equally tired hand, told himself that he was obsessing over nothing. He slid his long legs over the side of the bed, pushed himself to his feet. He could hear movement in the rooms beyond his, and he thought Mina must finally be up...or back, he supposed, since he didn't know if or when she'd even come home.

He'd offered her a ride back to their apartment last night, but she'd chosen to slip off with one of her friends—the scary one with the black hair…Rita? Raina? Ah, _Raye_—instead. He hadn't asked where she was going or why, but since she hadn't returned before he'd finally gone to bed, he was…worried for her. He still didn't know if he liked her, but she was his housemate, and didn't that mean he was obligated to look after her?

No, it didn't. He wasn't her father or her boyfriend or, gods forbid, her babysitter…but she'd been through something horrible last night, and he'd be less than human if he didn't try to help her through it.

It wouldn't kill him to play nursemaid for a little while, would it?

He found her in the kitchen, her slender, pajama-clad body slumped over the table. Her head was pillowed in her arms, her golden hair shielding her face. A half-empty coffee mug sat on the table in front of her, but she seemed to be ignoring it for the moment.

"Mina?"

She didn't jump at the suddenness of his voice. He'd noticed that she never seemed startled by anything, though he tended to move rather soundlessly for someone as big as he was, and anyone else would have been.

She was so _oblivious_…

Mina didn't bother to lift her head. She stayed as she had been, and if he hadn't been watching her so carefully, he might almost have believed she wasn't breathing. "Morning," she mumbled.

Her voice was too soft, too emotionless, and it didn't seem right coming from someone as bubbly as Mina usually was. Her constant enthusiasm may have irritated him most of the time, but he found that he didn't like this sudden change, even if he understood it.

Malachite sighed, moved around the table to take the chair across from hers. "Are you all right?"

He cursed the question even as he made it, because of course he knew she couldn't be. She'd _killed_ a man, and how could she not be traumatized, after that?

Still, the question had been deliberately made. He would never claim to be in touch with his own emotions, but he knew how unhealthy it would be for Mina not to acknowledge hers. Better that she talk about it now than hold it in, right?

And if his curiosity was satisfied in the process…well, that was just a bonus, really.

She didn't seem to have heard the question, or she was ignoring it. He repeated it anyway, his tone a little sterner this time.

It was enough to get a response.

She groaned.

_All right, so it's not quite the response I was looking for. _

He sighed. "Talk to me, Mina."

Another groan. Then a sigh, then a shrug. Her head came up, and she slowly pushed her hair out of her face. "Please tell me it was all a nightmare."

She looked tired. Tense, maybe even miserable. He almost wished he could lie to her. "No."

And just like that, her face closed up. Even the misery was gone, leaving nothing but that emotionless, hardened mask in its place. "Damn," she muttered. "Way to kill my last shred of hope, Mal."

He just looked at her. "Do you want to talk about it?"

He sounded like a shrink. A _bad_ shrink. The ink blot and "How do you feel about that?" kind.

Gods, what his life had come to.

She only shook her head. "About as much as I want to strand myself on a desert island with only a volley ball for company." She grimaced, pushed herself into a sitting position, then leaned back in her chair. "I suppose _you_ want to talk about it, though."

It wasn't a question, though her voice had been slightly bitter, and he only waited. His response would be so obvious that it just wasn't necessary.

She sighed again. "The girls and I used to take a lot of self-defense classes," she finally said. "As dangerous as this city can be…well, it was just common sense, really. We're nothing special, but what skills we do have came in handy last night, if only because those men weren't expecting anything from us." She looked up at him, and he thought he could see a spark of challenge in her eyes. "That's all there is to it."

One single, silver brow rose, but he didn't question her. "All right."

He'd decide, later, if he actually believed her.

* * *

"What did you tell him?"

Mina grimaced, refused to meet the eyes of her two companions, stared down at the contents of her cup instead. "That we're Jet Li wannabes. What else could I say?"

Raye sighed, ignoring a question they'd asked each other too often over the years. "Did he buy it?"

Mina only shrugged. Whether he had or not, she was simply grateful that the senshi were focusing on what Malachite had seen rather than on what she'd done. They weren't pretending that she hadn't killed that thief, but for her sake, they weren't making it their priority, either.

"Jet Li is hot," Lita suddenly observed, breaking the sudden silence. "Much better than Jackie Chan."

Not even Raye bothered to acknowledge the randomness of that, though she couldn't quite decide if the comment was simply Lita's way of relieving the tension in the room. Still, the priestess only rolled her eyes as Mina began nodding her head a little too enthusiastically in agreement. "You look like a bobble-head," Raye informed her blonde friend, voice positively acerbic. She tossed her black hair over her shoulder, abruptly choosing to go along with Lita's ploy, if only for a moment. "And I _like _Jackie Chan. He's got a better sense of humor."

_Does a good sense of humor really matter to a man-hater? _Mina grinned, genuinely amused, though of course she knew exactly what Lita and Raye were trying to do. "Lita's right, though," the blonde said, lips still curved upwards. "Jackie Chan may be funny, but he can't joke around _all_ the time…and Jet Li doesn't have to _talk_ to stay hot. He doesn't have to do anything but sit there and let me stare at him."

Raye groaned. "And what a _perfect _relationship that'll be." She shook her head at her friend. "You can't stare at each other all day, Mina. You'd get bored."

Mina's smile arched, because that was just too good an opening to pass up, no matter what had happened. "Who says that's _all_ we'd be doing?"

Lita pretended to shudder. "Too much information, Meens."

Raye decided she'd had enough inanity for one day. She understood that her fellow senshi were simply distracting themselves, but even if they didn't talk of that human's death, they still had issues to resolve. "Can you two focus, just for a minute?" She waited until she had their attention again, though her glare was still a little fiercer than it probably needed to be. "Hasn't it occurred to you, Mina, that Malachite might not have bought your story?"

Something darkened in Mina's eyes at that, but the easy smile remained on her lips. "Why wouldn't he? He doesn't have any reason to question me." The smile widened into yet another grin, and the casual air with which she swirled her soda around in the cup did nothing to lessen the fire senshi's irritation. "You worry too much, Raye."

"And you don't worry _enough_."

Mina only continued smiling. _Not true_, she thought in spite of the smile. _I think I worry enough for all of us. _

* * *

"How is she?"

Lita only shrugged in response to Michelle's question, though any trace of her earlier lightheartedness had vanished long ago. Her expression had become unusually grave during the last few hours spent with Mina, though of course Mina herself didn't seem to have noticed. Their blonde leader was perched on Raye's bed, talking animatedly with Serena, her words punctuated by the occasional burst of laughter, her grin wide and untroubled. She looked as though she hadn't a care in the world.

The senshi weren't fooled. They'd known Mina far too long and too well not to see the shadow behind that smile…though perhaps they weren't as perceptive as they'd always thought, because it was only now, as they watched her so closely, that they realized the shadow wasn't a new thing, or even just the product of last night's death. Mina had been…_off_ for days, maybe even weeks, though even they couldn't think of a reason for it.

Lita sighed and glanced again at the aqua-haired senshi beside her. "She's hiding something from us again," she muttered, the irritation in her voice not quite strong enough to disguise the concern. "Has Artemis said anything to you?"

The question was probably a futile one, because as enigmatic as Mina often was, Artemis was almost worse. He was too protective of the blonde, and asking him to share her secrets was as pointless as…well, as asking Serena to stay away from the cookies. It simply wasn't even a possibility. Still…

Michelle only shook her head. "No, but then I haven't really spoken to him in…too long, I suppose. I've been busy, and without an enemy to bring us together…" She trailed off, tore her eyes away from Mina just long enough to look at Lita. "Why? Has he told you anything?"

_Does he ever?_ "No. When he does come by, it's only for a moment or two, and he never seems willing to talk anyway. Luna is getting worried."

They all were. It just wasn't like the cat to disappear for so long, though perhaps this would explain that shadow in Mina's eyes. Maybe she was just missing Artemis.

Then again, that only raised more questions, didn't it? Mina and Artemis hadn't really been apart since she was twelve, so what could possibly make him leave her now?

The taller senshi's brow suddenly creased. "Do you think they're fighting?"

"Luna and Artemis?"

Lita shook her head. "Artemis and Mina."

Genuine surprise crossed Michelle's face, because while Mina and Artemis argued constantly, they never really _fought_. "Why would you think they were?"

_Because those two have always been the senshi equivalent of peanut butter and jelly, but I haven't seen them together in weeks. Because even when he is around, Artemis only talks to Luna, and he's always gone by the time Mina arrives. Because he's been every bit as distracted as Mina, and I can't think of anything else that would make them this unhappy. _

Lita didn't try to voice her thoughts. She only bit her lip, turned worried eyes back to their blonde leader. "When was the last time you saw them together?"

* * *

"When were you going to tell us that Artemis had left you?"

Mina sighed, hearing the guilt behind Lita's words, hearing the concern and seeing both mirrored on the faces of all the senshi, but she only shrugged. "When you noticed," she replied, voice soft as she threw herself onto Raye's bed.

She hadn't meant for it to be an accusation, but of course they flinched. It'd been _weeks_ since any of them had seen Artemis at Mina's side, and no matter how busy they'd been with their own lives, they shouldn't have needed a man's death to realize something was wrong.

Mina sighed yet again, finally glanced up and met their eyes. "There wasn't any reason to tell you," she muttered almost defensively. "He's not hurt or in any danger. He's just…not here."

None of them bothered to ask how she knew Artemis was safe—Pluto was less than a phone call away, after all. Still, one of Raye's perfectly manicured eyebrows shot up into her hairline. "Where is he, then?"

Mina shrugged, briefly considered her words before trying to answer. "I don't know," she finally admitted. "Setsuna won't tell me what he's doing or when he'll come back—only that he will."

Lita mulled that over, then grimaced. "I don't get it," she muttered. "You say it's been weeks since Artemis left you, but I saw him with Luna just the other day."

Their eyes automatically turned to Serena's guardian, but the cat only shook her dark head. "I've seen him, yes," she told them in her quiet, crisp accent, "but he never mentioned any of this." She paused, worry clear twisting her features in a way that should have been impossible for a feline. "I knew something was bothering him," she added softly, "but I never thought…"

None of them liked what they could read in Mina's expression. Their leader had fallen silent again at Luna's admission, but now she bit her lip and looked down at her hands. "We fought the day he left," she muttered, her voice so distant that she might have been speaking to herself. "I don't even know why he was angry, but he ran out on me and didn't come back. I keep thinking that if I can just find him, I'll get him to talk to me, tell me why he left. Tell me what he's dealing with." Her voice dropped again. "I've looked everywhere, but…"

She didn't need to finish. A normal cat would have been hard enough to find in this city, but a cat with the intelligence of a human and the skill to hide himself from even the senshi? Impossible. Not even Mina, who knew him better than anyone, stood a chance of locating him if he didn't want to be found.

"Do you think it could be an enemy?"

Mina didn't look surprised by Michelle's question, but she also didn't hesitate. "No. Raye hasn't sensed anything, but even if this was some sort of attack, why wouldn't Artemis tell us? It's not like he would fight alone, or that he even could."

The blonde's expression suddenly tightened, her lips curving upward in a smile that was just a little too bitter. "For his sake," she muttered, "I almost hope he _is _off fighting. At this point, it's the only excuse he can give that will keep me from skinning him alive."

The senshi didn't have an answer for that.

* * *

Hundreds of miles from the place where eight young women discussed their missing guardian, a small, private plane was flying over the ocean towards Japan. The craft was completely white, absurdly expensive, and, much like its occupants, just this side of flashy.

In one corner of the plane, comfortably ensconced in the airline's equivalent of a Laz-E-Boy, a slender blonde woman was laughing almost hysterically at something her companion had said. The woman's voice was slightly shrill as she reached out and lightly touched the man's arm, but if he noticed, he somehow managed not to react. He simply smirked back at her, leaned over and continued to whisper in her ear.

And across the plane's cabin, silently watching as his wife flirted rather shamelessly with another man, Samuel Loveless couldn't quite keep the irritation from his expression. _She's being too obvious. At this rate, it's only a matter of time before she embarrasses me in public…and adultery is bad for business. _He frowned, though he never seriously thought of interfering. He hardly cared if his wife had an affair, after all—they'd been separated for too many years for that—but he wished she'd be more…discrete, if only for the sake of the company.

And if he wanted to be honest with himself, Sam could admit that his wife's lover unnerved him. The man was too cold, too calculating, and his smile often made Sam think of sociopaths and serial killers. _He doesn't have a conscience, _Sam thought, not for the first time. _Rachel is playing with fire, and we're both going to be burned. _

Not that Sam had ever considered firing the man. Sean was undoubtedly the best assistant Sam had ever had, and affair or not, he was too great an asset. _And he knows it, damn him. _

Sam glanced out the window at the clouds, trying not to brood and looking back only when his wife called his name. "Yes?"

They were smiling at him—_smirking_ at him—and Sam didn't like the amusement glittering in Sean's eyes. "I asked," Rachel began again, rolling her eyes a little too dramatically, "if Mina will be meeting us at the airport."

He knew Rachel wasn't the one asking. Most of the time, she barely remembered she even had a daughter, and her sudden urge to visit could only have come from Sean. _ Why would Sean be interested in Mina? She hasn't had anything to do with us for years, and she's not in a position to grant any favors. __ Whatever game Sean is playing, surely he knows that Rachel is the better pawn. _"Probably not. I didn't tell her we were coming."

Rachel blinked at him, too surprised that he hadn't done as she asked to be angry. "What?"

Sam lifted one shoulder in a deliberate shrug, but before he could say anything more, Sean placed a needlessly soothing hand on Rachel's arm. "It doesn't matter, Mrs. Loveless," he told her, his smile hard as diamonds and directed more towards Sam than the oblivious Rachel. "I'll meet her soon enough anyway."

Sam didn't bother to address that. He simply looked back out the window, suppressed a tiny shudder and tried not to think of either his wife's lover or the strange daughter he hadn't seen in years.

* * *

**Venus Smurf's Thoughts of the Day: Christmas is coming up, and since I probably won't post anything until next year (hoping I'll do better than that, but this is me we're talking about)...well, Merry Christmas, everyone.**

Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.

Oh look, yet another Christmas TV special! How touching to have the meaning of Christmas brought to us by cola, fast food, and beer... Who'd have ever guessed that product consumption, popular entertainment, and spirituality would mix so harmoniously?

The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.

In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it 'Christmas' and went to church; the Jews called it 'Hanukkah' and went to synagogue; the atheists went to parties and drank. People passing each other on the street would say 'Merry Christmas!' or 'Happy Hanukkah!' or (to the atheists) 'Look out for the wall!'

**Barbie's Christmas Letter:**

Barbie  
c/o Mattel, Inc.  
El Segundo, CA 90245

Santa Claus  
North Pole, North Pole  
December 23, 1996

Dear Santa:

Listen you ugly little troll, I've been helping you out every year, playing at being the perfect Christmas present, wearing skimpy bathing suits in frigid weather, and drowning in fake tea from one too many tea parties, and I hate to break it to ya, Santa, but IT'S DEFINITELY PAYBACK TIME! There had better be some changes around here this Christmas, or I'm gonna call for a nationwide meltdown (and trust me, you won't wanna be around to smell it). So, here's my holiday wish list for 1998:

1. A nice, comfy pair of sweat pants and a frumpy, oversized sweatshirt. I'm sick of looking like a hooker. And how much smaller are these bathing suits gonna get? Do you have any idea what it feels like to have nylon and velcro crawling up your butt?

2. Real underwear that can be pulled on and off. Preferably white. What bonehead at Mattel decided to cheap out and MOLD imitation underwear to my skin?!? It looks like cellulite!

3. A REAL man...maybe GI Joe. Hell, I'd take Tickle-Me Elmo over that wimped-out excuse for a boytoy Ken. And what's with that earring, anyway? If I'm gonna have to suffer with him, at least make him (and me) anatomically correct.

4. Arms that actually bend so I can push the aforementioned Ken-wimp away once he is anatomically correct.

5. Breast reduction surgery. I don't care whose arm you have to twist, get it done.

6. A jogbra. To wear until I get the surgery.

7. A new career. Pet doctor and school teacher just don't cut it. How about a systems analyst? Or better yet, a public relations senior account exec!

8. A new, more 90s persona. Maybe "PMS Barbie," complete with a miniature container of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream and a bag of chips; "Animal Rights Barbie," with my very own paint gun, outfitted with a fake fur coat, bottle of spray on blood and handcuffs; or "Stop Smoking Barbie," sporting a removable Nicotrol patch and equipped with several packs of gum.

9. No more McDonald's endorsements. The grease is wrecking my vinyl.

10. Mattel stock options. It's been 37 years--I think I deserve it.

Ok, Santa, that's it. Considering my valuable contribution to society, I don't think these requests are out of line. If you disagree, then you can find yourself a new [censored for next Christmas.

It's that simple.

Yours truly,  
Barbie


End file.
